The Professional

“I love that shirt.”

“Thanks. My therapist picked it out.”

“Did you decide about the house?”

“I’m selling.”

“Didn’t the market just crash?”

“Yeah. But she thinks suburban prices stay soft until the Strait of Hormuz reopens. Because of commuting costs.”

“Your therapist has a position on the Strait of Hormuz.”

“She reads a lot.”

“So you sell low and buy back in when?”

“When it feels right.”

“It’ll cost more when it feels right.”

“She said the money will feel different once it’s not tied to the house.”

“It’ll be less.”

“Different.”

“Did you go to Dana’s birthday?”

“No. I’ve stepped back from that friendship.”

“Since when?”

“She was late to lunch. Twenty minutes, no text. My therapist said lateness is a form of contempt and I don’t have to tolerate contempt anymore.”

“Dana’s late to everything. She was late to her own wedding.”

“That’s the pattern. My therapist thinks the reason I ended up with a friend who’s late all the time is desperation. Like I take what I can get.”

“Desperate.”

“Yeah.”

“For lunch with Dana.”

“For connection, generally.”

“You have so many friends you had to cut one for being late.”

“That’s what she said, though.”

“Are you still seeing Ben?”

“Yeah.”

“Ben’s engaged.”

“To Priya, yeah.”

“What does your therapist say?”

“She doesn’t weigh in on that. She said it’s not her place to direct my relationships. Only I can know what’s right for me.”

“She weighed in on the Strait of Hormuz.”

“That’s different. That’s not about my life.”

“Ben is about your life.”

“Right. So she can’t.”

“Did you hear Andre got let go?”

“Yeah. Greg asked me if he was looking for another job.”

“Was he?”

“Yeah. He told me a few weeks ago. He was tired of it.”

“Of Greg.”

“Of the jokes, mostly. And the nickname.”

“Which one?”

“There are a few.”

“And you told Greg he was looking.”

“He asked. My therapist says I can never lie. It’s part of my recovery. I used to lie to keep the peace.”

“Andre told you that in confidence.”

“He didn’t ask me to lie about it.”

“He didn’t think he had to.”

“It’s not a lie, though. That’s the thing she keeps coming back to.”

“They make you swear to the whole truth. It’s in the oath. It’s the middle part.”

“I wasn’t under oath. I was in a one-on-one.”

“He got let go the next week.”

“For performance.”

“…”

“I feel sick about it. She says I shouldn’t. She says I did everything right.”

“Do you think you did?”

“No.”

“So?”

“So we’re working on why I think that.”

“So are you going to report the jokes? The nicknames?”

“I was going to. That day. I had the email open.”

“And?”

“I’m supposed to be working on being less impulsive. So I brought it to session first.”

“And she said.”

“She said if I report it I’m making Andre’s experience about me.”

“How is reporting it about you?”

“Because I’d be the one doing it. She wants me to journal about it first. See what comes up.”

“…”

“Can we not? It’s too stressful. She said I should only be processing it in session for now. Anyway. I think I want to buy a bunch of Anthropic stock.”

“Oh, that’s a good idea.”

“My therapist thinks it’s a horrible idea.”

“Why?”

“She said it fosters dependence. People start talking to it instead of doing the work.”

“The stock does?”

“The company. She said I’d be investing in something that keeps people from getting real help.”

“She had a lot to say about it.”

“She was very clear. It’s the clearest she’s ever been about anything.”

“So what does she invest in?”

“My therapist? She wouldn’t tell me that. She won’t even tell me what she does for the holidays. She doesn’t share her personal life in session. It wouldn’t be appropriate.”

“But Anthropic was appropriate.”

“Anthropic is about me.”

“Did you ever tell her about the apartment?”

“Yeah. We’ve been working on it.”

“What does she say?”

“She thinks part of what happened is I’ve never been good at communicating what I want. Like, I said no, but she doesn’t think it was a firm no.”

“There were four of them.”

“Right.”

“They cornered you.”

“I know. But she thinks I use the right words and the wrong tone. It wasn’t loud enough to register.”

“You lost consciousness.”

“Yeah.”

“And they raped you.”

“After I lost consciousness. Right before that, I think I could’ve been firmer. That’s the part we’re working on.”

“You think you could have been firmer. With four men. In your apartment.”

“She thinks. I’m still deciding.”

“Has she said what you should do about it?”

“She wants me to write them a letter I don’t send.”

“Why don’t you send it?”

“Boundaries.”

“Dana was late, and she’s gone. Greg gets a journal entry. Four men get a letter you don’t send.”

“I know. But I feel like she’s the professional.”

“What does yours say?”

“About what?”

“You’ve got one. What does she say about this?”

“About this conversation?”

“About you. Sitting here, doing this.”

“She thinks I take on too much. That I try to fix my friends’ lives instead of managing my own reactions.”

“Oh, that’s good. Accurate.”

“And that I’m too logical. That I reach for ethics when I should be sitting with a feeling.”

“What feeling?”

“She didn’t say. She said there’s one under there.”

“Under the ethics.”

“Yeah.”

“Which part?”

“All of it, I think. She said it’s a way of not being present.”

“So she thinks you should stop.”

“Kind of. Yeah.”

“Are you going to?”

“I don’t know. That’s what she said.”